Honor and Glory (previously published on Facebook 5 September 2010)

20100904

And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.
Revelation 5:13
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33
For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
1 Corinthians 11:7
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:3-7


It seems to me that men are given honor in their created nature, and women are given glory.  A man owes glory to God, and a woman owes honor to Him.  This is the source of the love and respect issue.  The heart of a man is honor, and thus, when he is respected, it acknowledges his honor.   The heart of a woman on the other hand, is glory, and when she is loved, it acknowledges her glory.  The whole ‘self worth’ thing that is touted in postmodern psychology is basically a reaction of the individual to their sense of one of these core values, either honor, or glory.
There isn’t anything more glorious in all creation than a lady who is in right relationship with God and those around her.   Moreover, there isn’t anything more honorable than a man, in right relationship to God and to those around him.  Furthermore, the converse is also true:  the most vile, inglorious thing I’ve ever seen is a woman who is out of proper relation to God and those around her.  Also, the most dishonorable thing in creation is a man who has violated his relationships with God and those around him.  Women don’t suffer from dishonor or disgrace like men do.  Men don’t suffer from lack of glory or beauty like women do.
When you try to replace a woman’s glory with honor, you defile her.  When you try to replace a man’s honor with glory, you emasculate him.  Yet, that is what the Fall has done.  It has robbed us of the very core of our nature, and there is not a man or woman who isn’t feeling that void.  That is why women will go to extreme lengths to prove that they are attractive, that they are beautiful, that they are glorious.  This often ends up in a cheapening of their glory, selling themselves for money, trinkets, or empty promises.  Men, to prove that they have honor, will sell themselves short by going to porn or violence, or seeking power among their peers, to prove to themselves that they are worthy of honor.  Yet, there’s nothing that can honor a man, or glorify a woman except the One who created the one honorable, and the other, glorious.  For He in Himself, is the source and culmination of all honor and glory.  He is worthy of all honor and of all glory.  Therefore, since the heart of man is honor, it must be given to God.  Since the heart of woman is glory, it must be given to God.  Any honor or glory that we possess is but a gift of His honor, of His glory, and will be required of us by Him.   The honor of man glorifies God.  The glory of woman honors God.

The only two unconditional distictions of the Steve Griffing home, (conclusions from the examination of the QF and Patriarchy movement).

If you've read my previous two blog posts, you can see that I take issue with harsh or legalistic approaches to family life and child rearing, while still maintaining a very conservative outlook on it.  This position comes from my adherence to two things:  Truth and Love.  Truth without love is Law, and it condemns.  Love without truth is a lie and it excuses.  Both truth and love are best found in Christ[1], and in His sacrifice.  Mercy and grace mean nothing without authenticity to define them.  Being authentic in all things, without guile toward anyone, and striving at all times to ensure a life of integrity, is the only safeguard against legalism on the one side and license on the other.  However, as Paul wrote, “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”[2] On these two pillars I will fight to the death.  My hope in Christ is built on His love and His truth.  I therefore will validate everything upon these.  If there is a lack of either in my life, I will change myself until I am both loving and authentic.  If there is something in the things I teach my children or the way I conduct my business from day to day that fails to align with this, then I will change it.  I am not perfect, nor am I the supreme authority on any matter.  I am only a man, and I will do my best to remain humble and open-minded.  (Being open-minded doesn’t mean that I don’t fully embrace, and risk life and possessions for truth that is sure.  Once I’ve settled on the truth of a matter, I am more than willing to trust it and live out its implications.)  What I want to avoid is the pharisaical legalism and ensuing hypocrisy that is noticeably present in several of the more outspoken members of the QF movement, particularly the portion that calls itself “Biblical Patriarchy.”

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[1] John 14:6

[2] I Corinthians 13:1-3

Thoughts on the Patriarchal or Quiver-Full (QF) movement (Part 2)

This past year, we’ve completely turned our diet upside down, and now follow the “Trim Healthy Mama[1]” diet that Bonita found as a workable diet instead of my more radical recommendations of the GAPS Diet[2] or Gracie Diet[3]… I’ve found that since I quit eating grains and sugar, (and started drinking kefir and being intentional about my gut health), I’ve been noticeably healthier, with less indigestion, flatulence, more energy and a clearer head.  Bonita has had noticeably improved energy and the eczema that she’s had since childhood has diminished significantly.

When we were young and idealistic, we jumped on the QF bandwagon and read a book called “Train up a Child” by the Michael Pearl.  (I’d link it, except that might indicate my approval or endorsement of this text.)  Let’s just say that our views on the subject differ significantly from Mr and Mrs Pearl’s take on it.  I don’t want my children to tremble in my presence out of fear, or to accept things that they haven’t personally vetted or thought through, well into adulthood.  My aim is to raise young women and young men who have the foundation to critically evaluate their environment and come to a judicious conclusion about it, no matter what they are faced with.

Furthermore, while we heartily agree that while children are being raised, the wife’s vocation is the rearing of the children, and should not be abdicated or adulterated by another career, the vocation of motherhood isn’t the only legitimate vocation for women, and for someone whose children are grown, or for one who has no children, there is no reason not to pursue another vocation.  On that note, Bonita plans to pursue midwifery after our children are grown, and that is awesome!  Working outside the home isn’t a sin for women, and leaving home at adulthood to pursue a college degree or a career prior to marriage… is highly encouraged in the Griffing house for both men and women.  I expect all my children to be self sufficient before they reach their 20^th birthday, and be able to strike out on their own, with only advisory guidance from Bonita and me from that point on.

That builds into my next point, I am not responsible to my father, mother or my in-laws for my actions, and am not subject to their authority.  I expect the same of my children when they come of age.  Bonita and I are no longer on speaking terms with her parents for this very reason.  While I hope and pray that my values will be transmitted on by my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, from this generation until Christ returns in glory, it is not for me to enforce once my children have left my home as adults.  They are at that point no longer my minor children, and are responsible adults, subject to the laws of the land and the Law of God, but no longer to the rules of the Steve Griffing house.  I have no more right to interfere in the internal affairs of the nuclear family of one of my descendants than any other Christian American.  If and only if there is a clear violation of the law of our land, or flagrant moral abuse can I interject at all, and then only in the role of an outsider. 

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[1] http://www.trimhealthymama.com/

[2] http://www.gapsdiet.com/

[3] http://graciediet.com/

Thoughts on the Patriarchal or Quiver-Full (QF) movement

First off, these two terms are not synonymous, but refer to two distinctly different, but not entirely independent characteristics of a movement within the conservative American Christian culture.  Many pop-cultural names associated with this movement are Bill Gothard, (with his Institute of Basic Life Principles and Advanced Training Institute)[1] and the Duggers[2], who follow his teachings, Doug Phillips of Vision Forum[3], Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies[4], Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy[5] among others.  Much has been written for and against the movement in general, and for and against specific aspects of it in particular.  In this and subsequent blog posts, I do not intend to delve into the minutia of any one teacher’s take on this movement or its followers.  However, I will present my own stance on this issue and briefly outline where the Lord has lead my family.

I will freely maintain agreement with many of the principles and ideological assumptions that are put forward by this movement, but I do have some sharp disagreements and issues with a number of them.  The biggest issue that I see in the movement is a danger of legalism and making points of doctrine out of generalities.  Policies must be founded on more than just a technique that works for a small group.  Furthermore, Christ is not limited to American Evangelicals, and there is NOTHING that can make anyone holier than anyone else![6]  No amount of effort will make us stand before God with less sin or guilt.  It is ONLY through the blood of Christ that we have audience before God.  Furthermore, there isn’t a simple checklist that you can go by that has all the details of everyday life spelled out for you to earn favor with God.  (The closest thing to that is the Law, but that doesn’t provide the means to accomplish the requirements that it demands.[7])  There is very little directive toward gentile Christians.[8]

The main point of this introduction is an emphasis on something that I learned from listening to a recording of a talk by Tom Hemmingway, which was delivered at an Officers’ Christian Fellowship conference at their Spring Canyon retreat center at which he said, “In the essentials, unity, in the non-essentials, liberty.”[9]  There are many stylistic and technique issues that I follow with my family that many raise to the level of doctrine, but which I refuse to, nor will I tolerate the abuse of consciences through such practice.  If it’s not explicitly stated in scripture, it isn’t scripture, and must not be forced down the throat of everyone around you as if it was.

Ok, now that the disclaimer is done, here are some of the things that make my family distinctive, and many of which emulate, at least superficially, the characteristics of the Patriarchal movement.  One of the biggest distinguishing features that differentiates what you see below as our lifestyle is that we strive to ensure that everything we do is well vetted and well examined, from multiple perspectives, and only after a thorough examination, and often a trial of multiple options and alternatives do we settle on a method or technique for our life.  Even though clichéd to the point of nausea, the words of Socrates, “the unexamined life is not worth living[10]” are, while not scriptural or without any exception[11], a good tool to keep a sound perspective on life.  I chose the profession of arms, and specifically, that of a Naval Officer as my vocation, which has shaped much of the thought processes and the perspective from which we’ve built our home.

We have founded our family on the foundation of the truth of Scripture, and having found it without fault, accepted it’s authority as the recorded covenantal document that describes the nature of God, of man and the relationship between the two.  We hold the Apostles and Nicene Creeds[12] as accurate and concise summaries of true doctrine.

I, (Steve), am the commanding officer of my immediate family.  I have the responsibility to lead, and cannot abdicate that to Bonita.  In the family hierarchy, I see her as my executive officer, (immediate second in command, for those unfamiliar with US Naval command structure).  She has my full confidence and authority to act in my stead when I’m not present.  I retain the authority of command by negation, but it is seldom used.  I lean on her for everything from scheduling of activities and resources to expertise on everything from social interaction to childcare to diet.  Her submission to me is predicated on, and is a direct response to my active loving care for her.  I cannot expect (nor do I desire) my wife to blindly acquiesce to my every whim.  I expect her to take initiative, and to hold her ground in arguing her points to me.  I expect her to solve problems when I’m not around, and I highly respect, (and prize), her decision making ability, (which is often much better than my own). I expect her to call me out and hold me accountable for my mistakes.  I expect her to question my decisions when they don’t make sense and to force me to explain my reasoning for them.  We are a team, and just because I am the husband, doesn’t make me always right.  I can’t do this without her strength of character and her fearless adherence to truth, and her love for Christ, which exceeds her love for me, as it should.  If I abuse my authority, she has every right, and every duty to appeal to Christ, to the Church, and/or to the civil authorities, as the case requires, for redress of grievances.

We love children, and want a large family!  Currently, my wife and I have three living children.  We lost two due to miscarriage.  We fully believe that all children, even those who die before birth, are precious gifts from God, who created each one upon conception and each is an eternal being, created in the image of God, complete with all the rights and privileges thereof from moment of conception.  Therefore, we do not practice any form of birth control that can result in the killing of an unborn child.  We practice natural family planning[13] and use of barriers to allow Bonita to recover between pregnancies and to space out the children as appropriate.  We know that God is in control of opening or closing the womb, but do not make it a point of doctrine to forgo all human efforts to influence it, while ensuring that we don’t deny each other the intimacy necessary for a healthy marriage.  We will not put a limit on the maximum number of children that God can give us, but won’t overtax ourselves by being rash or imprudent.

We believe that the best possible primary and secondary education for our children is home school and we will educate our children in our own home, under our own supervision and utilizing the curriculum and teaching methods we deem best suited to each child.  This doesn’t mean that we don’t take advantage of external expertise.  On the contrary, we regularly utilize outside resources, such as the ABA therapy[14] which one of our children attends three or four times per week.  We just reserve final jurisdiction and ensure that the best method available to us is utilized.  Homeschooling allows us the flexibility to apply the best learning resources to each individual child, giving them the best possible advantage possible, and ensuring that they receive a balanced, and fully vetted education to prepare them to understand and critically evaluate and successfully interpret and operate in the world into which they are live.  Toward this end, we are pursuing what is known as a “Classical” education for our children, to include the grammar, didactic and rhetoric phases of education and thought development.[15]

We are convinced of the benefits of natural and gentile healing techniques such as dietary changes, chiropractic adjustments and the use of naturopathic remedies.  Furthermore, we are not convinced that normal pregnancy and childbirth is a medical emergency but rather a normal process that is better administered by a caring midwife in a home than by a jumpy surgeon in a hospital.  We avoid all unnecessary and unwarranted medical intervention, to include circumcision, (we’re not Jewish, therefore, we are not bound to a covenant that is so marked), unnecessary inoculations, or anything else, without proper vetting and justification. We do not deny the benefits of western medicine, or fail to make use of them judiciously, but only as necessary.

That’s all for this post.  More to follow.

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[1] http://iblp.org/

[2] http://www.duggarfamily.com/

[3] http://www.visionforumministries.org/ http://www.visionforum.com

[4] http://aboverubies.org/

[5] http://nogreaterjoy.org/

[6] Romans 2:1-16

[7] Romans 7:7-13

[8] Acts 15:23-29

[9] Tom Hemmingway, Officers’ Christian Fellowship.  Date unknown.  www.ocfusa.org

[10] Plato’s Apology

[11] Life is worth living, whether examined or not.  My point here is that I believe that we sin against our Creator when we waste the life He gives us by not utilizing the reason that He’s endowed us with to the fullest extent that He has made us capable of, and living in accordance to the honest and logical outcomes of our understanding.

[12] http://carm.org/creeds-and-confessions

[13] Most good info on NFP comes from the Roman Catholic Church, which has a strong history of upholding the sanctity of life, far above the Protestant Denominations of Christianity.  Here’s somewhere to start: http://www.natural-family-planning.info/

[14] http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/treatment/applied-behavior-analysis-aba

[15] http://www.classicalconversations.com

Discription and meaning of the Griffing Seal

I think that it's time that i explain this seal that you see in the background of this blog,  for like everything else here, it took a lot of thought to come up with.

 Discription:

*On a Griffiths Tartan, a buckler gules embodered and crossed sable; saltire-wise four trinity-knots argent upon the buckler; foremost a gryffin rampant or, and two stones, in dexter azure and sinister of the third, upon the border; of the third upon the border, in chief "GRIFFING" for the house and in base "MICAH 6:8" for motto.*

Authenticity – avoiding legalism and license in the pursuit of Christ

I was about to entitle this, “Authenticity – avoiding legalism and license in the pursuit of holiness” but then remembered that holiness isn’t the goal, and it is so easy to get sidetracked by the good, even by the great, which leads to the compromises of legalism, instead of pursuing the One that matters, namely, Christ.

While there are as many sets of tactics, techniques and procedures, (TTPs), for pursuing God as there are commentators, theologians and scholars to produce them, any technique, however well intended, if used indiscriminately, or without the underlying pursuit of Christ, will lead to a place of captivity to rule and tradition, instead of the freedom of Christ.

The borrowing of a set of TTPs without a thorough understanding of the underlying purpose, and the desired end state will result in a failure to reach that end state.  In the life of a Christian, it will result in derailment and a legalistic existence, without the life of the Spirit.  By this I’m not discouraging the incorporation of TTPs from others, but without a thorough evaluation of such, and an understanding of the original intent, those cannot be effectively used to bring the Christian to a deeper walk with Christ.  

The pursuit of holiness is great… as long as its end goal isn’t holiness, but rather in knowing Christ better.  The pursuit of godliness is awesome… but is nothing without a heart set, not on godliness, but on Christ.  The pursuit of righteousness is praiseworthy, but means absolutely nothing if the focus is not on Christ.  A man’s honor is worthless, and a dishonor to him if it is pursued for anything less than the glory of God.   A lady’s glory is worthless, if pursued for any other reason than to honor Christ.  As Isaiah wrote, “all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment.”[1]

If anything is done for the purpose of meeting a human rule, (even if that rule is based upon the Law of the Lord), with the intent of improving one’s status before God, it is a lie and a prison.  Even pursuit of living up to the Law is vain, for no one can do it fully.  As Paul writes “All have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God.[2]”  James writes “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.”[3]

Avoidance of legalism often results in license and disregard for the Law and right living, the logic being that if Christ is willing to forgive, I can therefore do what I please, as long as I then go back and confess it.  However, this tack is as flawed as that of the legalist, for a pursuit of Christ will inherently glorify Him, for as Christ said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”[4]  If we call Him Lord, but don’t do what He says, we lie, and make ourselves traitors to Him, and He justly condemns such action.

It’s not about finding the balance between legalism and license, for that would be like walking a tightrope, while looking down, alternately at one side, then the other.  One of the things stressed in the Motorcycle safety courses[5] that I’ve taken is that you go wherever you look.  With that in mind, it is not so much that we should strive to avoid the dangers of either side of the path, but instead, keep our eyes on the One who we are seeking to please.  As I continually strive to improve my relationship with my wife, Bonita, I endeavor, not to just do all the right things, (which if I do keep the house in order, while ignoring her, will not endear myself to her), or to just ask her forgiveness all the time for not doing said checklist items, but to pursue her in every way possible, to love and cherish her, and to do things to delight her.  It then isn’t about the legalistic checklist, but about her.  Therefore, we must keep our attention and our focus on Christ, and let the works be our fruit, not our focus.

A tree is not really interested in the fruit that it produces.  The fruit is a byproduct of the tree’s growth and health.  A tree is interested in growing toward the sun above and feasting on the nutrients below.  Fruit matures, and is cast off.  It is the byproduct of the tree’s growth, not the focus or pursuit of that said growth.  If the fruit were the purpose and pursuit of the tree, then the tree would spend all its energy in producing fruit, without seeking the sun from which it is nourished, or the soil from which it is watered and receives mineral nutrients.  Even the fruit exists, not for itself, but for the seed/s that indwell that fruit.  The fruit, (if uneaten by other creatures), rots and becomes the germination site for the seed.   When we look at the fruit of our lives as the goal, it really does us no good.  The fruit will only come, in fact, when we don’t focus on it, but on the One who provides the nourishment.  Jesus said “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”[6]  It is all about getting close to Him.

While almost every Evangelical (and most other Trinitarian Christians[7]), will agree with the theory of my points so far, the legalism or license in practice is far more common than the authentic pursuit of Christ.  The temptation toward legalism is that trees are identified, not by their internal desire to reach for the sun, but by the fruit that they produce.  An oak is identified by its acorn and an apple tree by its apples.  However, an apple tree that is rotten and hollow will produce poor apples, though it looks similar on the outside to a strong apple tree that is healthy and well nourished.  Good fruit does come from good trees, but it isn’t due to the tree’s efforts to produce good fruit, but instead, it is due to the health and nutrition of the tree.

Keeping Christ the focus is the only way to live as a Christian.  Anything less or other than this is death.

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[1] Isaiah 64:6

[2] Romans 3:23

[3] James 2:10

[4] John 14:15

[5] Motorcycle Safety Foundation RiderCourse (http://nm.msf-usa.org/msf/ridercourses.aspx)

[6] John 15:5

[7] Trinitarian Christians include all those who accept the triune nature of God, being one God, who exists in three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, co-eternal, co-equal in nature, distinct in personhood and authority.  From this Trinity originates all things, and He is the causeless cause, without any prior to or after Him.  All other entities in existence, spirit and material, owe their existence expressly to Him and cannot exist except at the express and active choice of this aforementioned Triune God.  Furthermore, Trinitarians believe that the sacrificial atonement of Christ is the only way for rebellious sentient creatures to be reunited with their Creator, and there is nothing that said creatures can do to add to or take away from that payment.

Pain and questions

Once again, God has redirected my feet, smashed my dreams and given me a new direction to pursue.  I get frustrated by the simple things and He has to humble me.  He took the unborn baby from my wife's womb.  (We named him Nehemiah Caellum Griffing... he was too young to tell the gender, but we assume that he's a boy).  Also, my awesome orders to a Special Boat Team were cancelled and the orders I got are to a Carrier.  It's not a bad job, (actually, it's about as good as I could hope for for a safe, normal progression on my career... but it's not NSW...)  God has His reasons.  Nevertheless, I'm bummed.  I'll probably take it out on the road tonight or tomorrow... run about 10k or so.